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'The Simple Life - Goes To Camp'
(Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, et al / DVD / NR / (2003) 2008 / 20th Century Fox)

Overview: The wildlife at Camp Shawnee just got a whole lot wilder, because the new counselors are America's hottest celebutantes, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie! With their notorious feud officially behind them, the torrid twosome is back together and life in the great outdoors will never be the same. Join these babes in the woods as they put their own unique spin on health and fitness at a wellness camp, spice things up at a couple's therapy session and orchestrate the eagerly awaited world premiere of Paris and Nicole: the Musical! Need we say more? "Roughing it" has never been so glamorous!

DVD Verdict: The fifth season of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie's reality TV show is frightening in both its ineptitude and the empty-headedness of its stars. Not that one would expect rocket science when watching a show starring two women who are known more for their sexual exploits and substance abuse than their acting skills, but even so, the amount of stupidity on display makes one fear for the future of humanity.

As The Simple Life 5 begins, Paris and Nicole are having their infamous spat in which the two best-friends-forever said they'd never speak to each other ever again. Well, obviously the two blondes patch things up, and the show's producers send the two to Camp Shawnee, where Paris and Nicole will act as camp counselors. The camp undergoes three incarnations: a fat camp; a beauty pageant camp for little girls (shudder); and finally, a relationship camp for unhappy couples. Can you imagine the way-too-skinny Paris and Nicole acting as counselors for overweight people?

It's pretty scary. We see the girls giving enemas to the campers; leading the campers on a field trip to score junk food; and taking them to a bar where they'll lose weight by drinking high-calorie cocktails and flirting. (Social awkwardness, ahoy!) At one point, Paris and Nicole are discussing how to help the campers lose weight, and Nicole asks Paris, "Well, how do we do it?" And they just look at each other!

There are other moments of sheer stupidity. Such as when, after trashing one of the camp buildings, the camp's director has Paris and Nicole rebuild the structure, and the two reply, "But we can't because we're girls!" Lord, help us.

Obviously, this show has an audience, but who that may be, one wonders. (And wonders and wonders….) As for the DVD release of The Simple Life 5, it's as dismal as the show, with absolutely nothing in the way of special features. But even if there were special features, they likely wouldn't be very special—much like the show itself. This is a Widescreen Presentation (1.85:1) enhanced for 16x9 TVs and comes with the Special Features:

Welcome to Camp Scawnee
Big Primpin'
Pageant Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Flirting With Disaster
Say Hello to Myke Hawke
Babes in the Woods
Almost Fame-Less
Hollywood Ending